Note to Malaysians

Why love helps?

Selfish belief

Write drunk; edit sober that’s what Hemingway said. I’m pretty high on emotion right now, and that sums up.

Extremely loud and incredibly close is an approximation of our fear despite our attempt to run or hide from. Mine had always been the fact that no one else could understand me better than my dad.

I never cared how my life would turn out as long as I have him to have conversations and do things with.

All I wanted was a simple life with him around.  Call it short of an ambition but have you heard of the story about a child who asked his father how much he makes in an hour? I knew I could never buy his ideals.

He only wanted to provide. But our comfort offered no luxury of his time.

Cancer didn’t take him away. Selfish view on love did. I will learn to live out his lessons. Even the ones that he picked up too late.

Hormone Of Love

Sometimes it takes a little bit of science to understand the art of love.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Romance and temperance  is determined by the level of oxytocin – the hormone of love.

After reading an interesting article by Julia Gumm, I began searching for journals related to this ‘Moral Molecule’ as coined by Paul Zak. The subject goes far enough to enter an area that i had encountered before while learning about spirituality. Tantric.

Today however I will talk about oxytocin and maybe a little bit on the neurochemistry of sex.

What is Oxytocin?
A hormone released by the pituitary gland and is best known for its roles in sexual production. i.e. hormone of labor, breast-feeding and perhaps pair bonding.

What does it really do?
Relieves pain in fibromyalgia patients, vanquish fear and anxiety, increase commitment to your partner, reduce voluntary caloric intake without slowing the metabolism. It also improves wound healing, prevents breast cancer, increases one’s sense of generosity, wellness, ease, trust and happiness.

How do you secrete it?
Have sex with a partner (or yourself) that results in orgasm.

Say what?
Oxytocin works on the amygdala, the part of the brain that makes you afraid, tense and worried about controlling your behavior. Can there be a better antidote to tension and freaking out about controlling oneself than the release of a rollicking orgasm?

When and why is this important?
Turns out, this one little molecule might be the biological basis for love.

We’ve all had our fair share of conflicts in past relationship. Till today, the human ego is attributed as the main cause for failure. Perhaps it’s about time to understand why men are blamed for not knowing what they have and women don’t know what they want in this crazy little thing called love.

“Initially, during the honeymoon period of our relationship, we remain strongly bonded by high oxytocin levels, and quickly overcome our hormonal blues by having more sex. Initially sex stimulates us to crave for more sex. This leads to rapid rises and falls in dopamine levels and corresponding rapid emotional fluctuations in our relationship” ~Walter Last

The guy is always blamed for hanging out too much with his mates, spends too much time at the gym, and even having too many female companions. Of course vice versa for the girl but only substitute gym with beauty treatment. Certainly love is a game of psychology played by the rules of cognitive behavior.

In a relationship it’s all about making yourself feel good through your partner. That is why the Axe effect works because women like men who smell good. The good advertisements merely enhances the notion. Adopting the similar principle, men do not like pushy women. It reminds them of their nagging  mother, classroom teacher, or other authoritarian female figure. Just as how the North Koreans are programmed to think they would be lost without their leader, a guy feels emasculated when his partner indoctrinates her belief. Period.

We don’t mind you taking the top position. Just keep in mind we don’t experience multiple orgasm so bear with us. On that matter that is why Tantric helps.

“In neotantra the most important features of sexual practice revolve around the experience of subtle energies within one’s sensual embodiment, and the accessing of these energies both to enhance pleasure and to challenge our egotism into its dissolution. Thus, tantric sexuality often cultivates ecstatic consciousnessas well as increased spiritual awareness of the erotic consciousness that pervades one’s human embodiment as well as everything that contextualizes this embodiment.” ~Nitya Lacroix

The prescription to an everlasting love fairytale does not come from reading countless self help books and waiting for the right penguin. You need to understand yourself, your world and the Creator.

We are an indivisible soul in a divisible body. Our temporal existence in this material world hinders our enlightenment. By believing on something greater than your existence, you will realise that love is a painting on God’s canvas.

Time is all you need to appreciate good art.

Love and ego

Reality of love will never be as beautifully orchestrated like in other form of art and literature.

The truth about this submission, expression and conviction of an emotion can be demonising as well as charming in our course of learning. Every now and then we question over our readiness to accept another and abandon our  ego.

The presumption – girls matures faster than boys can be demeaning to a boy’s ego. Since the emerging period of competition during childhood, a boy who is shorter among the rest, weaker, and less attractive will be a subject for picking during puberty. These troubled times of character building, as one bluntly puts it, a girl who is taller, stronger, less feminine will be victimised as being ‘ungirly’.

Bullying is not the subject for today, despite women known to be great bullies and men as great jesters. This is not a call to discriminate anyone’s behaviour as ignorant to conscience. Safe to say a girl’s hormonal clock simply outpaces a boy’s rate from becoming a man.

Going through the existing number of emotional hardship suffered by my loved ones, I sought to understand and question the rationale behind their subsequent disillusionment.

Most prospective girls stick to their high school or college sweethearts until they graduate. They then meet someone from the working world. Playing the game of odds, the girls soon averaged their heartbreaks and become jaded. By this time they fall into the group of women professionals aged 27-35.

Boys however discover their market value at age 25 or after their first heartbreak.

Emotional burnout is a condition suffered by the group of women highlighted above. They have invested their emotion as part of an egoistic need to be with the right man and complete the journey of being a woman. Love is translated as a need for recognition by peers that her life is perfect now, because she has someone who accepts her as she is. It has been a struggle for her since the first day of puberty.

Emancipated from neediness for a girl to validate his existence, a boy develops interest for girls as some form of gratification but soon discovers his value is worth more. Carving an ego over his significance among women racing against their ‘cut-off’ date, his knowledge on love has yet to grant him wisdom, but only a form of empowerment.

Crude picture supported by an egoistic desire. The flaw lies in our inability to love and accept ourselves first. We are misled by the falsity of a made up deficit that there is not enough self love to get us by.

A girl is only a woman when she steers on the sea of life without discriminating herself or the boys. Because she knows the boy is also lost and finding his way to become a man.